…that i’ll give so much more than i’ll get
It’s hard to believe how long it’s been since my last post. I was counting the days to the kickoff of the Browns season, and now I’m counting the days until it’s over.
No, but really. It’s hard to watch. It’s ugly, it’s pathetic and it’s embarrassing. But I can’t not watch. I watched every minute of the Ravens game on Monday night and held out hope that it would get better.
But that’s not what you want to read about, now is it?
In updates from previous posts, my first ‘garden’ ended as a pretty big fail. My peppers turned black, I only got about 2 small tomatoes before it snowed and my plant froze, and my beautiful beautiful hybiscus only bloomed the week I was in Vegas. I heard it was gorgeous, though. So point for me.
I promised myself I wouldn’t think about my ‘future’ until after our Young Life banquet was over. I had too much going on this fall and too much work to do for the banquet to spend time worrying about something I didn’t need to be. It was easy to put it off. It gave me an excuse to focus on being more ‘in the moment’ and I didn’t worry if this is where God wanted me, because I knew it was, and I could rest in that.
Banquet’s over. Cue anxious nights and an unsettled feeling in my stomach.
I plan on blogging more regularly through this winter season – with the shorter days and students on break, I have more time for reflection and my personal space. It’s time that I should set aside all throughout my year, but tend to let myself be distracted by everything for everyone else.
I have (even more) thoughts on singleness and community and Christianity, and look forward to finally writing them down, instead of letting them stew in my head.
But in the meantime, please enjoy this. It never ever fails to make me smile.
…with her head held high and hair flowin’ down
It’s been just over a year since I moved out on my own, and I think I’m just starting to figure it out. Moving straight out of college – out of an apartment where I enjoyed family-time meals with my 3 other friends and roommates every night and out of a room that I had shared with the same person for four years. We almost always went to bed at the same time because it was the only time we really saw each other. I moved away (granted, a mile away, but still) from a campus that had been my home – my family – and into a neighborhood where everyone had their own family and into a house that was not quite home. It’s becoming home. I do start to miss it when I’m away and when I visualize home now, I don’t always see the large leather couch in my parents living that you can get lost in if you try hard enough. Not always. Sometimes I see a bright blue dining room with a black flowered table and white chairs and white daisies in the center. That feels like home, too.
For a while I didn’t like that thought. This place – this hole of Western PA – shouldn’t feel like home. And it a lot of ways, it never will be. But in some ways, I’m resigning myself to the fact that for now, this is home. I should be comfortable here and like it here. I don’t want to hate the time I spend here. I want to look back and say, that was the year I learned how to grow peppers, or that was the year when God broke me, only to build me back stronger, or that was the year I learned that just because it’s in your bank account doesn’t mean you should spend it. That was a great year.
I don’t know if this blog thing will stick for me. Honestly, if I can update regularly and have a space to come back to and look at as a moment of my life, then I’ve been successful, no? And if I can start every post with a song lyric, well that’s just a bonus, I suppose.
I’ve been somewhat consistent with my American Idol blog, so why not this too?